In that I haven’t posted in a week, it seems a bit self-indulgent (dare I say masturbatory) to write something about comments on my last blog post, but, given that everything else that I’m wanting to write is going to take me some research, here we go…
A few days ago, Berk noted (and I tend to agree) that the comments on my last entry were a little bit over-the-top, perhaps even condescending. Though I admit that spring makes me lonely (as I am more likely to see attractive ladies (who I tend to see more of, given the end of parka season)), I’m also not an idiot. My last post wasn’t the emotional equivalent of faith in spontaneous generation… I’m not expecting mice to magically emerge from boots here. I know that I need to “get out there” if I’m going to meet someone. I get it. But it isn’t easy, it isn’t something that I enjoy, and it isn’t something that I’m good at. So sometimes it makes me sad. That’s all.
This said, as much as I do feel lonely sometimes, I’m not necessarily sure how a relationship would fit into my life at present. In general, my social interactions are of high quality… I have great friends and family, with whom I share interests and can discuss important issues… I tend to have a lot of fun… So, in essence, any potential relationship must represent a continuation of (or, if possible, an improvement of) these aspects of my life. I’m not going to compromise myself socially, intellectually or emotionally for the sake of physical intimacy. It isn’t worth it. As such, I’m looking for someone funny, intellectually stimulating, creative, active, compatible with my friends and family, and that I am physically attracted to. Ha! I think I should start shopping around for a good barber.
In unrelated news:
- I just got a summer job (I’m going to be doing some technical work (web updates, installation of a CMS, and training employees to use said CMS))
- I had an agreeable evening yesterday with Nicole and Mr. Keith (we went grocery shopping, cooked supper and watched a sweet old Russian movie called The Irony of Fate or Enjoy Your Bath)… Given that they both have just finished an introductory Russian course, it was neat to get their insights on Russian culture))
- This afternoon, I attended an honours colloquium presentation concerning some relevant similarities between Jewish Kaballah and Hindu Shakti Tantrism… Talking to the presenter afterward, I discovered that she is the step-daughter of a member of a local art group that was founded by my parents thirty years ago… These things happen because all of Saskatchewan is really just one small town…
- I am current not grading finals, which is what I should be doing…
- Tonight: tag in the park (this is serious business… we need to find the next king of Romperland)
- I’ve been pretty interested in Afghanistan lately… I just finished Rory Stewart’s The Places in Between (which describes his (often solitary) walking trip across Afghanistan in the middle of winter (and during a war)) . It’s an easy read, but provides a very immersive picture of Afghan life, society and culture(s). I’ve now moved on to Ghost Wars: The Secret History of the CIA, Afghanistan, and Bin Laden, from the Soviet Invasion to September 10, 2001. This book, which is more historical and broader in scope, is providing a lot of context, both geopolitically (for my understanding of the region, as well as the US’s frequently clueless attempts to influence it) and narratively (as it provides an interesting companion piece to Stewart’s book)
I find myself in state of mind similar to yours, specifically in that compromising the present situation for the sake of a relationship would be essentially a non-negotiable issue, but I wonder if this doesn’t inflate our standards to a point that nobody could ever possibly reach. I think every relationship involves some degree of compromise, be they romantic or not, and by making a hard and fast rule against it in the realm of romance, we may be cutting things off before they have a chance to develop into something we find agreeable. Sure, it would likely cost a little bit in an area or two of our lives (and would cut into precious gaming time), but might produce greater returns in another.
Compromise is a funny thing. I don’t mean that I wouldn’t be willing to compromise at all (obviously, a new relationship would require re-jiggering my social life, etc.), but rather that I wouldn’t be willing to accept a net loss in my life (decreased intellectual stimulation, decremented quality of social interactions, etc.) just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Here’s the thing for me: I can imagine my overall happiness being summarized by scores on a number of axes (for example, intellectual, emotional, and social). For some people, sex would count as one of these criteria, such that the following equation would seem like a net gain: -10 intellectual, -10 social, -10 emotional, +40 sexual. Being less interested in myself as a sexual being, that same situation would be unacceptable to me. Also, as Andrew noted this evening, meaningful, human sexuality doesn’t exist in a vacuum, which means that the previous situation shouldn’t arise. I agree with the normative quality of his statement, but have often seen people making that exact compromise (i.e., being less happy, seeing friends more infrequently, receiving less intellectual stimulation, but having more sex).
To quote William Shatner: “I can’t get behind that!”